nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
