I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
