So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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