Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
