YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
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I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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