If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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