Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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