I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
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I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
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He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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