I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
