I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
