is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
