anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
