On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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