making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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