Soap is not a condiment
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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