I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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