are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
My vagina just recognized that song.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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