My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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