It's like God shit irony all over that family
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing