Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The air was thick with penises
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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