Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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