Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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