we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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