Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
