the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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