Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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