youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize