i think my tv is drunk
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
