1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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