This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
