That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
