I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
