literally had 100 drinks last night.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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