Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
