I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
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