Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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