Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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