It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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