his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
