both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
