I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
