He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
