there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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