can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
