no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
did i walk over a car last night?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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