The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
