is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
