Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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