do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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