it hurts more in the daytime
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
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