Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
