I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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