I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Randomize
