never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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