He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
