we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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