and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
