There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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