my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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