There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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