yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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