Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
