i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
she peed on how many people?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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