i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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