So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
