Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
