If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Someone shit on the floor
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
