maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
