Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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