I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
