They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
