Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
