smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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