If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
