The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
