let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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