Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
