So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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